Super Mega Tomato

Critically Relevant: MarioKart Wii

2008-05-10T23:30:00.000-03:00

Critically Relevant: Super Smash Bros Brawl

2008-05-09T23:45:00.000-03:00

Bux.to: Legit or Scam? I'm about to find out.

2008-05-07T15:04:00.004-03:00

So I came across this website, bux.to while playing some SafeCracker on Facebook.

It goes without saying that I was bored.

I've never participated(to my knowledge) to any sort of pyramid scheme, or the like, although I have found myself wrapped up in programs requiring referrals to get ahead...what? That's what a pyramid scheme is?

Oh.

Well, REGARDLESS. I've signed up to bux.to. To fill you in, bux.to claims to pay you 1 cent for every ad you visit on the website, and every 24 hours you are allowed to visit the same ads, or new ones, and earn 1 cent for every one visited again. The website states "Bux.to is NOT a Autosurf, Multi-Level Marketing, Pyramid, Ponzi, Matrix or 'Get Rich Quick' scheme."

Usually when I am presented with such a deal, I research to an insane level whether or not the website is a scam or if people have genuinely received money from the system. 99.9% of the time I am informed within 5 minutes that the website is a scam, and if you so much as touch it with a 10-foot pole, you will get screwed.

It appears as though bux.to initially had issues paying people in a speedy manner, and people cried immediately about it being a scam, and frankly, I do not blame them.

However, based on the number of websites and youtube videos of people proving their received payment, it seems as though bux.to has, for the most part, smoothed out their problems, and are beginning to prove themselves as a legit way to make a few dollars.

Knowing all of the bad press they have received as well as reading and listening to people's success stories, I decided to dive in and see what happens.

If you want to dive in with me and see where this rabbit hole goes, just sign up here:

http://bux.to/?r=pzuto

To receive payment, you can sign up for an AlertPay account (I also did my research here, and in my opinion they are legit) or move into a premium account and they will send you a prepaid mastercard that you can use to load your earnings onto.

I'll update you as time goes on to let you know if I think bux.to is a scam, or amazing, or just plain lame.

POP MUSIC - Who the hell agreed to this? ANYONE?

2006-12-28T15:52:00.000-04:00

Forgive me if this is old news, but this Michael Jackson Thriller video interpretation is brilliant.

And ridiculous.

And also not brilliant.

I love the Bollywood remix of the song.

Wow.

PERS - The invasion of me.jpg

2006-12-21T10:41:00.004-04:00

1. School
2. Laziness
3. Busy busy busy

I thought I'd get some "excuses for not updating" points right out of the way.

I got a Macbook, and Photo Booth is my new addiction, and it's inspired me to take a pile of pictures of myself and then subject you to them. HOW FUN!

I will rule the world! ...the city? ...the neighbourhood? my house? ...Victoria's Secret catalog? ...Sears catalog. :)

My old college friend Mandy claims I look like a camel here. I say goat. She's probably more right.

The incorrect way to Vogue.

The correct way to grow new arms.

Going bowling, conjoined-twin style!

Did you say something?

Oh my aching Brian Mulroney/Jay Leno head.

Models always look better after the Photoshop treatment.

FIGARO FIGARO FIGARO FIGARO figaro

Your aunt Prudence

This post has been brought to you by TERRY'S CHOCOLATE MINT ORANGE, which had me on a sugar high the entire time I put this together.

PERS - Finally I have something to write about...boy do I ever!

2006-11-02T15:38:00.000-04:00

Not that my life has been totally uneventful in these past 2 months...I cannot believe my last post was in August!

Before I tell you about my day today, let me get you up to speed:

-I've been in school for 2 months now. The program I'm in seems like it will be very fulfilling. The projects are challenging and thought-provoking, and I believe that I'm learning skills that will help me outside the school.

-I've also been living in Toronto for 2 months now. There are a LOT of things that have changed since I lived here in 2003. The cyber-cafe I used to frequent when I was without a computer has disappeared from Yonge St, and a pizza place that was at a corner nearby the cafe is now a Sobey's "Express" (meaning "I look more like a small grocery shop than a Wal*Mart.") When I lived at a Bed & Breakfast for a month (read: rock-bottom...no wait, when I was living in a furniture-less, tv-less, life-less condo for a month was probably rock-bottom), I used to go to a laundromat on Dupont St...in its place is a Shopper's Drug Mart. I could go on and on, but frankly, I want to get on with today's story.

So I've been suffering from a sore throat since Sunday. I had last week off of school as it was a scheduled break within my program, and right before I had to go back, I get hit with the sore throat.

Monday, it got worse.
Tuesday, worse again.
Wednesday, not getting any better.

At that point, the ibuprofen I was taking for the pain was not helping, so I picked up some Benylin1 All-In-One Extra Strength night and day pills. Those babies numbed the pain quite well, but I still had difficulty swallowing.

This morning my condition was the same. Thursdays are when I have only one 3-hour class, which is why I've named this day of the week "GLORIOUS THURSDAYS!" Even with this in mind, I did not feel like leaving the house whatsoever.

But, being the keener I am, I took a shower, and soldiered my way out the door. My walk to the subway station was mostly a blur as I felt dizzy and disoriented the entire time (Thanks, Benylin!). I stopped at an intersection waiting to cross the street when someone approached me and asked where they can find a grocery store. I kinda jumped back in surprise to see that it was a classmate of mine who I've recently been grouped with for an on-going school project. I told him where to go (or at least I believe I did, you never know what you'll say when you let Benylin speak for you), and I continued on the path to the subway station.

While travelling toward King Station, I really started thinking about my throat. I was getting worried about my breathing. I plugged my nose and tried breathing through my mouth. It didn't feel very good, nor did it feel like much air was getting through. Then I got super-worried. I had no interest in keeping up appearances with complete strangers on the train, so I kept my head down and stuffed my mouth and neck into my scarf and shut my eyes until I reached my destination.

It is then that I decide that immediately after my Design class I would go to the First Aid Centre in George Brown. I performed my usual routine of going to my locker, opening it and staring in awe and disbelief at the chaos inside for about five minutes, then grabbing my portfolio case and slamming the door shut.

I continued to keep my head down as I walked through the hallways, and when I reached my classroom, a classmate of mine was coming out of the room. I was about to enter when she said, "You do know that there's no class today."

...

..

.

I'm like, "....what."

"Yeah, class is cancelled."

..........

......
............."what."

I look at the post board next to the class's door. "DESIGN I CANCELLED. PASS ASSIGNMENTS IN NEXT WEEK."

......"what."

By this time I was talking to myself as my classmate left 3 minutes ago. So, in utter disbelief, I just retraced my steps back through the hallway. I ran into another classmate who was rushing towards class.

"No class, it's cancelled," I mumbled, not really wanting to speak anymore on account of my throat. He proceeded to fly into a tirade about how he spent all last night trying to finish the project that was due today. I couldn't relate; I finished the project 2 weeks ago. I'm a keener, remember?

He walked with me to my locker when I ran into someone else rushing to class, to which I responded "No class." He had the same story; up ALLLL night doing that project. Since they were both standing there, I figured this was my chance to farm some information out of them.

"Hey, any of you ever been to the First Aid Centre?"
"No."
"Not really." (?)

After a few more words, I walked downstairs and circled around the First Aid Centre a few times until I worked up the courage to knock on the locked door.

A portly man opened it and asked how he could help me.

"I was hoping you could lead me in the right direction. I've had a sore throat for 5 days and it's not going away."

"Well I'd say a doctor's office is a good direction!"

"Hahaha, fuck you're funny YOU FUCKING TOOTHLESS ASSHOLE!"

Ok, so I didn't actually lash out at him, I just asked "Could you tell me where the nearest clinic is?"

Before I knew it there was a photocopied sketched-out map of the clinics in the area. He informed me that most go to First Canadian Place, so I decided to be a sheep and follow the herd.

One thing you may not know is that First Canadian Place is a pretty damn intimidating building.

It's the tallest skyscraper in Toronto, and I'm surprised people can find there way in and out of that building on a daily basis.

When I found my way inside the building, I had to ask one of the hundred security guards if a medical clinic actually exists within the building. In retrospect, I realize it was a stupid question because EVERYTHING HUMANKIND EVER CREATED WAS IN THIS BUILDING. It's huge I tell you, HUGE. (And if you're a paranoid person who thinks that everyone is watching you, don't go in this building. There were so many security personnel there that I felt like there were eyes on me the entire time. It doesn't help the situation that you're in the largest building in the largest city of Canada. And it certainly doesn't help when you're loopy on Benylin.)

She politely told me where to go, and after a taking a few wrong paths, I finally made it to the clinic. I pulled a numbered tab out of a "take a number" machine and sat down.

About 30 seconds later a lady approached me and said, "Are you looking to have bloodwork done?"

"Uh...no, I just want to see a doctor."

"You have to go see reception for that, or you'll be sitting here all day."

"Thanks for the tip!" ...bitch.

Fortunately, once I filled out a form, I was quickly directed to an examination room. I jumped up and sat on one of those long bench-like, bed-like baby-blue leather seats that have a long stripe of the NOISIEST PAPER EVER MADE laid over top.

The doctor came in and introduced herself. I told her my situation, and she took out a light and a tongue depresser and asked me to open my mouth. She tried the depresser for a second, but I think she realized I have a huge mouth, and she stopped using it (ha!). She diagnosed me on the spot as having strep throat and wrote out a prescription for me. She read on my form that I was from New Brunswick, and she proceeded to tell me that she was from Nova Scotia and studied at Dalhousie. She also said she knew some people who were from Miramichi who studied with her.

Small. Damn. World.

She asked me if I had a drug plan. I told her I was unsure. She left the room and came back with the drugs, eliminating my need to make a trip to a pharmacy. Awesome.

After crawling through the maze that is First Canadian Place, I managed to make my way to King Subway station. I had my headphones on, but I could see that there was an older lady screaming at a TTC employee who was in a (most-likely) bulletproof-glass booth. I took my headphones off to see what the problem was when I heard over the intercom that the entire Spadina University line was shut down due to a "Power outage". A few minutes later, they said that it was a "Priority 1 Emergency at St Andrews station with a personal injury at track level" (aka another suicide).

Great.

So I figured I would take the Westbound King streetcar and travel to the Northbound Spadina Streetcar which would take me to the Westbound Bloor subway, and then to home.

Instead, the streetcar operator told us to get off at Bay if we plan to go north and take the Bay bus.

When the Bay bus arrived, it was already a can of sardines, and 20 of us wanted on. The bus driver wouldn't open the doors, and just drove off.

Plan failed. I'm standing there, sick as a dog, with no options.

So I started walking up Bay - cursing to the wind like a crazy person - until I reached Eaton Centre. I was going to continue to head north, but I decided to check out the subway situation again. By this time, I was able to successfully use the subway and now I'm home.

I just took my first dosage of antibiotics, and I'm probably going to go lie down now.

PERS - The Update of Your Life. Now. Live it. The Update of your Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiife.

2006-08-21T21:03:00.000-03:00

I thought that my dear loyal readers must be growing tired of my lack of updates, so I figured I must let you both in on what's going on with me as of late.

I no longer work at the call center where I was employed for close to two and a half years. It is such a relief to know that I will not be renting a full-size gas-guzzling SUV to someone who cannot afford it.

At first the job was tolerable. The calls were simple, the training - while moderately intense - was easy to follow, the rules were reasonable, and the work environment was relaxed.

Then half way through my inevitably terminal employment, things had changed, and I wish I could say that the changes were for the better.

Instead, the rules changed, the policies modified, and the workload was increased. The company strayed from their "employee friendly" mantra into a "customer first (employee last, if at all)" mentality. Most of the supervisors avoided conducting meetings and team briefings with the employees. We were no longer allowed to surf the Internet between phone calls. We were now taking additional calls that at one time only a local counter would handle. And yet our paycheques still stated the same hourly pay rate. (They've even recently raised the starting wage for new employees while keeping all current employees wages the same! Imagine that!)

Now, I know that some call centers don't allow you to surf the Internet anyway. I know this first hand as I have worked in several call centers with this policy intact. However, this was a brand new call center. They had new ideas for how to treat their employees (aka with a shred of respect).

When I went through the training program, they "proved" how they are different in a positive sense. It didn't take long before all the the fresh-faced supervisors got settled into their power-hungry mindsets, and their holier-than-thou attitudes.

It's not like I was a slacking, lazy call center representative. I shot to the top of the call center ranks, having maintained statistics that kept me in the top 10 of 500 people for almost 2 years. Not to sound braggish (...and oh, it will...), but Supervisors begged to have me on their team so they could have my stats on their charts and look good to the higher ups.

I was even promoted to a Scheduling Management position. I wanted to escape from the phones, and have a somewhat-normal desk job, and I thought that having that promotion was going to provide that.

So what went wrong? Well, as I said above: Rules changed.

The higher-ups were wrapping their bony fingers around the necks of those in control of taking me off the phones. It made it nearly impossible to work in the scheduling department; so much so that when I did get a chance to work there, I was so rusty on how to operate the databases and spreadsheets that I suffered a huge migraine headache every time.

This caused me to be fairly resentful of the managers at that point. I demoted myself to escape the migraines. I got less migraines being on the phone, if you can believe it.

I burned out August of last year and had to go on stress leave. Many were surprised that after working in so many call centers for so many years that I didn't go on stress leave earlier. It surprised me too.

I should have left after my stress leave was up, but the thought of searching for another job in Fredericton made me sick, considering the job market in the maritimes is either work in a call center or work for minimum wage. Thanks Frank McKenna. Your push to advance telecommunication technologies in the Maritimes has ushered in a new era of shitty-ass Call Centers. You sacrificed the mental health of thousands of Maritime citizens so we could have call display on our phones before anyone else. The psychiatrists of the region as well as pharmaceutical companies salute you!

Anyway, the truth is that I had to come up with a better plan for my career and my life. During my stress leave period, I started working hardcore on an art portfolio. It was time to go back to school, and I was going to be ready.

When I came back to work, nothing had changed, and for the remaining months of work, I was slowly losing my mind. I wasn't sure if school was going to be a sure thing at the time, and the people on the phones were becoming less tolerable to listen to.

I've now been accepted into George Brown College's Graphic Design program, and I couldn't be happier.

The thought of going back to school scared the hell out of me 2 years ago.

Now it seems so right.

I will be visiting family in Miramichi in the next few days, and it's off to Toronto at the end of the month.

I cannot wait.

Ciao.

POP MISC - The NAME WARS!

2006-08-05T10:54:00.000-03:00

I was alerted today by the WOW Report of a "Social Security Index" on the PBS website. It basically allows you to search the 55000 most common last names and tells you where they rank in popularity.

This had me thinking; How can I have fun with this new found tool?

Then it came to me...I'll have A CELEBRITY NAME WWWAAAARRRR!

...Ahem...so here it is.

HILTON vs. RICHIE

Hilton (#1066) beats Richie (#4616) by a landslide, although if Nicole had the more common spelling of Ritchie (#1121) she would stand a fighting chance against the Hiltons. Not even a wild, uneven-eyed Doherty (#1194) can win against a Hilton.

AGUILERA vs. SPEARS

Spears (#692) kicks rival Aguilera's (#2525) ass in this battle, proving that having the better voice is no match for being unapologetically fug.

TIMBERLAKE vs. FEDERLINE

Is it any surprise to you that Timberlake (#6030) won over Federline (#44551) by a huge margin? Timberlake swiftly brings sexyback, while Federline takes the sexyaway.

LOHAN vs. DUFF

The Duffs (#1955) don't need to win by the skin of their cosmetically-altered horse teeth, as they easily pummel the fully-loaded Lohans, who don't even make the top 55000! Ouch!

....

I quickly became bored of searching for surnames of famously feuding celebrities, but I still wanted to tap this great resource for more information.

So I decided to have RANDOM NAME WAAAARRRRS!!

We like our Fries (#4559) but we'd rather have the Burger (#1526), but if we had to choose between condiments, we'd take Mayo (#926) over Mustard (#19269).

We'd much rather have Hair (#4575) than be Bald (#35752).

We'll take a Judge (#2755) over a Jury (#15335).

In a rainbow, Green (#35) is the clear colour of choice, followed by Blue (#1289), Orange (#6306), Red (#17505), Violet (#27392), while Indigo and Yellow fail to rank.

On the topic of colours, it's about to get pretty blue in here. If you're green, don't say I didn't warn you when you're face turns red.

We love our Hoars (#12293) almost as much as we love our Virgins (#11526), but we're not a fan of Prudes (#18360).

Dicks (#5956) are no match for Cox (#68), but we would take a Dick (#1105) over a Glasscock (#7008) anyday.

The real winner, however, is Bush (#311), so it's no surprise that we'll choose a Ho (#1308) over a Mo (#17451).

PERS -- Blocking on the Block.

2006-06-24T16:00:00.000-03:00

June 24th, 3:31 pm -- After picking up a few essential items at Sobey's, I began to take the worn path back to my apartment. I had to take an alternative route, however, when I noticed there was a an old guy in a senior scooter parked in the middle of the path. If you live in Fredericton, you've no doubt seen this guy speeding through the streets and sidewalks of the city. I'm not sure why he chose to park there; it's not a great view, very few people and cars drive through that area. There's really just not much to look at.

Maybe he was napping. Or dead.

PERS -- What a piss off.

2006-06-23T17:05:00.000-03:00

June 23rd, 4:35 pm -- young 20-something clean-shaven redheaded male (not homeless, just drunk and/or high) found pissing on the ground in front of my apartment building. Once he realized I was there, he turned his back to me and started pissing on the brick wall.

What courteous neighbours I have.

POP MISC -- Smoothie sailing...Ok, now I am officially lame.

2006-06-08T22:24:00.000-03:00

(Forgive the miserable pixelation of the above graphic. I don't have photoshop right now as my laptop is getting serviced and I only have access to MS Paint.)

On average of 4 days a week Chris and I have been drinking a frozen fruit smoothie for close to two months now.

It took a few tries, but we managed to get the recipe down to a science. Try it out!

Here's what you're going to need to make a 16 oz glass of awesomeness:

Approx 200 ml (or less) Frozen Fruit
50 ml PM Pomegranate/Blueberry Juice
50 ml bolthouse green goodness fruit & veg smoothie
Approx 200 ml (or less) apple juice
1/2 cup of vanilla yogurt
1/2 banana
Big measuring cup w/ hand mixer OR regular blender

1. You could very easily just throw these things into a measuring cup in any order, but we start by putting in the (approx) 200 ml of frozen fruit. I say "approx" because you might have a pile of chunky pieces of fruit that leave a lot of space in between. if you are using little berries that can be compacted, I would say only use 150 ml of fruit. We use Europe's Best Summer Fruit Salad Mix as it has a good mix of tropical fruit and berries.

2. Pour in 50 ml of POM Wonderful brand Pomegranate/Blueberry juice. Pomegranate AND blueberry juice are LOADED with antioxidants that prevent aging, cancer, and other diseases believed to be caused by free radicals in the body.

3. Pour in 50 ml of Green Juice (I recommend Bolthouse Farms Green Goodness OR Arthur's Green Energy). Beverages including wheatgrass have a lot of folate and vitamin B6, other great fighters against cancer.

4. Throw in 1/2 cup of vanilla yogurt. We've tried strawberry yogurt, but the drink turned out more tart than what we were looking for.

5. Tear up 1/2 a banana and throw that in too.

6. Top it off with (approx) 200 ml of apple juice. If you've thrown all of the ingredients into one large measuring cup, we generally pour in the apple juice until it reaches 600 ml.

7. Blend until smoothalicious. It should be pretty thick as the frozen fruit make the entire thing nice and icy, without the need to add ice cubes.

8. Drink!

We usually split that 16 oz of smoothie into two small glasses for each of us, because in the morning, we have the smoothie with a bowl of Raisin Bran or Cheerios with All Bran Buds.

POP TECH - Random Shizz.

2006-06-03T13:11:00.000-03:00

I scour a lot of blogs and sites every now and again and find stuff of interest.

Here's a nice and fashionable set of things I've found in the last month or so.

Want to explore a day in the life of a famous italian plumber?

Ever want to dress yourself up really fugly and take a stroll out on the town?

Me neither. But there's a certain group of people who just love to do that.

Getting tired of playing the plain old Rock Paper Scissors? This should spice it up for you.

Have an idea for a great song, but you want to hear professional musicians perform it for you in an very incoherent shattered style? NOW YOU CAN! (You need to allow popups for this one or it won't come up. Oh, and if you know what song the word "going" comes from, I'd love to know, sounds retro-las-vegas-junkie, and I'm interested.)

Scare a few greedy businessmen by making the Dow go up and down.

Want a new Volkswagen? Just walk up to this vending machine and take your pick.

Finally, if you haven't seen it yet, here is the trailer for the next installment of the Super Smash Bros series. My favorite part is when Kirby realizes he looks exactly the same when they upgrade graphically.

This game will be on the new Nintendo Wii (pronounced "WE"), and if you haven't heard anything about this revolutionary new system, do your research. You'll be pleasantly surprised at the innovation involved.

(Sources: Kotaku, World of Wonder, YouTube)

PERS -- 8th Annual Friends for Life Bike Rally-O!

2006-05-26T23:55:00.000-03:00

I've got a friend by the name of Jay Walsh who's participating in the 8th annual Friends for Life Bike Rally which raises money for the Toronto People With AIDS Foundation. Over six days, he will travel 600 kms from Toronto to Montreal with a bunch of other cyclists for your much needed dollars!

If you've got a few quid to spare go HERE and to the right click the "rider/crew" link. Then type first name JAY and last name WALSH.

You'll know you have the right guy because, well, he's the only guy with that name and stuff. This'll be Jay's 3rd time doing the bike rally, which is absolute crazy talk, but even crazier is that it's not just talk, he really did it!

So, erm, donate.

You know your karma's been hurting since you ran over that old lady in the parking lot.

POP TV -- Growing Crazy.

2006-05-21T22:37:00.000-03:00

This is absotardly refunkulous:

"non-slip surface..."
"gracefully it sits over the human hand..."
"easy to digest..."
"curve towards the face..."
"notice it has a point at the top for ease of entry..."
"just the right shape for the human mouth..."
"the contents don't squirt in your face..."

What demographic is this guy trying to reach?!

Why is little Mikey Seaver even sitting next to this guy?

And doesn't this guy know that the banana he's holding is a domesticated banana, designed by farmers through selective cropping (like cows, horses, pigs, dogs), and is not the original "holy" banana? Fo real y'all.

It would be thick, hard to eat, and full of hard seeds.

Just like Alan Thicke.

POP MUSIC - Is it too late to start with your heart in a headlock?

2006-04-12T20:20:00.000-03:00

The video has the minimal style of Bjork's Vespertine era with the musical sensibilities of Bjork's 99.5% all-vocal album, Medulla.

With the electronic-heavy tracks Imogen Heap pumps out, combined with her yodel-like vocals, it came as no surprise that when I first heard of her (when she was one part of a 2 part band called Frou Frou), I just had to hear more.

"Hide and Seek" - the video you see above - may only technically be a performance video, but the spectacular lighting, wind-swept slow-mo hair, and great fashion sense really makes this visual piece pop.

If you haven't heard of her before, I strongly suggest you seek her out.

POP TECH - Introducing NORNNA.

2006-04-05T09:25:00.000-03:00

My friend Matt informed me of a new internet sensation (not really) NORNNA!

This is the first video she's ever posted. Anyone who saw this video when it was first uploaded truly had no idea what they were getting themselves into. And yes, her name is actually Nora, but if she's smart like me, she made up the name Nornna so it will show up easier in search engines.

The first video I watched was of her missing her bus to work:

Nornna has a therapist. I can't imagine why.

Before I just didn't like this song. Now I officially hate this song:

Why did she have to bring helpless innocent Eeyore into this?

On the positive side, she did not bring her cute cat into it:

Patty also shares my boredom.

Girl goes to church:

There's no better truthteller than a crying baby.

*SHOCK* Nornna has a brother, but the bigger shock is that he is cute! (With the exception of the ugly faces he makes into the camera, which then reminds you that him and Nornna are related.)

And yes, it is true Nornna: The more you eat, the more you indeed poop.

Her life can seemingly be summed up in this video:

"A Series of an of unfortunate eeevents."

Girl likes "Chocolot" Milk:

I like how she gives her nod of undeniable approval at the end.

And the consuming definitely doesn't stop there:

Here's her eating

Jell-O...

Chocolate Cherries (gross)...

and Corn Dogs.

"I'm so fucking thirsty too, holy shit!"

Sailor's mouth on her! Maybe if she stayed away from the hundreds of salty corn dogs and Fanta drinks she wouldn't be so "fucking thirsty".

And to completely swear you off of ever eating again, she performs her ritual.

Sorry for not warning you what was going to happen. I love her disclaimer to this one:

"If those LOVE the song "Wepon Of Choice" and get disgusted with girls like me powdering their feet ... don't watch this.

I don't want to see in comments 'Fuck you, Bitch for ruining this song for me!'"

To which Schandmaul87 comments "Fuck you, Bitch for ruining this song for me"

To cleanse your mind after all that Nornna jazz, I introduce to you non-Nornna related:

ALF IN THE DRYER!

(Thanks to Matt for the heads up on Nornna and Alf.)

POP TV - J'aime La Nasty Amidala.

2006-03-05T13:36:00.000-04:00

[Edit: Go here now to see the video. The clip was pulled from YouTube due to threats of copyright infringement. The shitheads at NBC don't understand that the sites that showcase their videos are giving them free advertising, and are also giving SNL a larger audience. As Natalie said best herself, 'Yo shut the f*ck up and suck my d*ck!]

Words cannot describe how funny this is.

This is from Natalie Portman's appearance on SNL last night.

Here are the lyrics as best as I can understand them:

I don't sleep muthaf**ka
on (?)that yak and a turbin(??)
doin' 120 gettin' head while I'm swervin,
(damn, natalie, you one crazy chick!)
Yo shut the f**k up and suck my d**k!

I'm (?)bustin 2 valves
like gushes muthaf**ka(?)
Roll up on NBC
and smack the shit out of Jeff Zucker!

(What you want Natalie?)
To drink and fight
(What you need Natalie?)
To f**k all night!

Don't tempt me when I'm crazy
(?)on that airplane crew(?)
Put my foot down your mouth
Til you shit in my shoe!

Leave ya screamin'
Pay for my dry cleanin'
F**k your man
It's my name that he's screamin'!

All the kids lookin' up to me
can suck my d**k!
(?)It's pointless(?) muthaf**cka
Drink til I'm sick!

Slit your throat
And pour matches down the hole
Watch (?)you laugh(?) and cry
While I laugh you die!

And all the dudes
you know I'm talkin' to you
(We love you Natalie!)
I wanna f**k you too!

(P!)
Is for Portman!
(P!)
Is for pussy!
I'll kill your f**kin' dog for fun
so don't push me!

(laughter)

When I was in Harvard
I smoked weed every day
I cheated every test
I snorted all the yay

I got a def posse
you got a buncha dudes
I'll sit right down on your face
and take a shit!

(Natalie, you are a bad ass bitch!)
HELL YEAH!
(And I always pay for your dry cleanin',
When my shit gets in your shoes!)

WHAT!

(As for the drug use,
well I can't vouch for that
My d**k is scared of you
Owww)

WHAT!

[END]

If you can fill me in on the things I couldn't get, or things I made a mistake on, please let me know!

POP TV - Another Four Bite the Dust.

2006-03-04T08:51:00.000-04:00

See ya never David Radford, Jose "Sway" Penala, Brenna Gethers & Heather Cox.

Because of America's vote this week, I am already way off in my predictions. Now I have no idea who's going to make it into the Top 12.

If only I could master the knowledge to determine what causes you to lose the competition:

Eating Salad or Pizza?

PERS - Memories...

2006-03-01T21:38:00.000-04:00

I was talking to an ex-co-worker from my tech support days back in Miramichi when he reminded me that I had a portfolio on the internet.

It's from back in 2001. It's made using Flash and it's way out of date.

In fact, the email address mentioned in it no longer exists.

I checked. That sucks.

Visit it here.

Enjoy.

POP TV - Coping with the Copacabana Catastrophe.

2006-02-23T22:17:00.000-04:00

Bid a fond farewell to the first 4 eliminated American Idol contestants Becky O'Donohue, Stevie Scott, Bobby Bennett and Patrick Hall.

Now that the first week of the top 24 is over, I will now make my predictions as to who will make it to the Top 12:

Boys:
Jose "Sway" Penala
Taylor "Strange (graying) Animal" Hicks
Chris "Eat Your Baby" Daughtry
Elliott "Yecch!" Yamin
Kevin "Josh Groban You Look Not" Corvais
Ace "I hate you cuz you're semi-beautiful" Young

Girls:
Paris "Can I Pinch Your Cheeks?" Bennett
Ayla "Basketball (to the face)" Brown
Lisa "Soul Glo Hair Revival" Tucker
Kelly "Pickler?" Pickler
Katharine "Quirky Mona" McPhee
Mandisa "Too Hot for a Last Name" Mandisa

I hope my predictions come true.

I only hope that David "Crooner to the Squirrels" Radford and Brenna "Oh for fuck's sake, shut the hell up!" Gethers don't get into the finals.

POP TECH - Walking in a Winter Wonderland.

2006-02-03T12:35:00.000-04:00

It's that time of the year folks.

That's right: It's only 325 days before Christmas! And what better way to celebrate this fine occasion than to visit a website dedicated to the holidays and cleaning out your wallet!

I landed on Santa-Claus.com, a website that does the seemingly impossible: Gets THE ONE AND ONLY Santa Claus to write your child letters from the NORTH POLE!!

Once you enter the website (and, annoyingly, every page change there-in), you are greeted by a chime sound, and two stockings landing in front of an already crowded fireplace.

There's no finer way to celebrate the holiday season than to place a number of highly flammable objects precariously close to an open flame.

And WHY is it snowing in the house?

The letters can be made highly personal:

He also knows what school you go to, what make and model car your parents drive, what medications you take, and your worst nightmares.

He's very thorough.

But the site doesn't just stop at forcing the already-overworked Santa to write letters, he will also PERSONALLY call your child and wish him a Merry (place Religious holiday here)! I can't think of a better thing to do for your child than to have a creepy anonymous old man call them up and scar them for life.

You could go cheap and have a pre-recorded message call you, but that's only if you don't love your child enough.

One of the more ridiculous offers is a Santa Letter with MAGIC SNOW!!!

Thank god the price includes shipping AND magic, otherwise this would be a complete waste of money.

And yes, I would LOVE to learn more. For instance, where do you get the balls to sell fake snow and fake Santa crap?

Maybe their guts and moxie is built up because of their location. I mean, with all the magic and splendor they promise, it must be a winter wonderland, with reindeer, snow hills, and mistletoe!

Thankfully, they provide their telephone number and address, so I can get to the bottom of this...

They are from the place that provides

pretty and prickly cacti...

24 hour gambling...

and cheap prostitutes. Oh, and Celine Dion.

I don't claim to be an expert in geography, but I'm pretty sure Nevada is nowhere near the North Pole.

They probably have a call center that's filled with Santa-sounding employees waiting to give you a call!

"I see you when you're sleeping; I know when you're awake, Clarice..."

Thanks to Robbie for notifying me of this holiday hocus-pocus.

POP MISC - Breakaway from the Oreos.

2006-01-31T20:58:00.000-04:00

I was waiting for American Idol to come on, and I turned on the TV prematurely to catch all the insane tabloid TV shows.

Your Access Hollywood. Your Extra. Your Entertainment Tonight. All rubbish.

When it was close to American Idol time, ET previewed what they were going to have on tomorrow's program.

In this preview was an exclusive interview with the one, the only, Tonya Harding.

Now, generally an interview with an Olympian who hit rock-bottom wouldn't grab my attention. That is until I saw what she looks like now.

Here's how you know her:

and here's how you don't know her:

Meet the new and improve...just new Tonya "Knee-bender" Harding.

This had me thinking. What sort of presence does she have online?

I learned quickly that she's now boxing as a sport. Then I checked her official website, tonyaharding.com, to find nothing but her figure skating "glory days" photographs when she was still looking petite. No Hundred-Dollar-Baby action here. Just pretty pictures of chic white trash livin'.

It was when I went to the "Movies" section that I felt compelled to tell the world about my adventure into psycho-dom.

I introduce to you a clip from her blockbuster movie, Breakaway.

Let me "break you in" and tell you how this movie probably arrived at this scene (I say "probably" because I was not privileged enough to see this entire work of art).

Gina (Tonya Harding) sets up a meeting with a dealer by phone to exchange money for drugs. She does not let the dealer know her identity over the phone, and tells him to meet her at an abandoned warehouse where it would be very discreet, and cheap to film a horrible movie. She tells the dealer she will be wearing an brown trenchcoat, lavendar smock, Freddy Krueger hat, and sensible nurse shoes.

Not suspecting a thing, the dealer agrees.

It's an hour later, and she arrives at the warehouse.

In a swift, "log rolling down a catwalk" fashion, the trench coat comes off.

"Hmm, she looks confrontational, but I won't shoot until I'm certain..."

"That hat is so...obstructive of my view."

"OMG! It's goddamn Tonya Harding! And her neck has grown to Hulk proportions!"

"...But she's still just too far away for me to get a good shot..."

And now for the BEST part of this sequence:

I heard they flew in the wire team from The Matrix to pull off that clumsy double-kick combo. I would have made a larger animated GIF, but my computer couldn't handle the AWESOMENESS.

WORST FIGHTING STANCE EVER.

I could have went my whole life without seeing that.

So the guy is kicked down the staircase in typical action movie fashion, but was it really necessary to have him fall down 2 flights?

"Oh, lookie that - another flight of stairs! Might as well finish what I started..."

"Wheee!"

Somehow I believe that these guys aren't going to get to use their weapons either. Blanks just aren't in the budget. Only Olympian failures and poorly-skilled stuntmen.

Watch the movie clip in full for yourself (it's the first link).

There's other clips there that will probably also make you laugh/smirk/cringe.

You can also visit the offical website of the movie, which is - and I didn't think this was possible - more out-of-date than Tonya herself.

Somewhere out there I can hear Nancy Kerrigan's knee popping with sheer delight.

POP MUSIC - Come On Electronic Performers.

2006-01-30T23:11:00.000-04:00

The following bands need to get out of their audio-challenged caves and put out a new album:

Air.
Daft Punk.
Portishead.
Aphex Twin. (This guy has little to no online presence right now. WTF!? to put it lightly.)

Of all 4, it's Portishead that really has to put their act together.

In case you haven't heard, Portishead are INDEED not broken up, never have broken up, and are working on a new album.

Give me a morsel, dammit! I need just a MORSEL!

That is all.

PERS - What the hell.

2006-01-29T15:16:00.000-04:00

A new look for the new year.

It's flashier.

It's brighter.

It's gawdy...er.

Enjoy!

POP MISC - Harper's Bizarre.

2006-01-24T10:23:00.000-04:00

Well, the Canada Election is over.

It was a tight race for a small portion of the night, but Stephen Harper - as predicted - became our 22nd prime minister.

The only positive is that it's only a minority government, and if they try anything radical, they will most likely have their asses handed to them.

I'll be waiting for it.

Oh, and is it just me, or does Peter MacKay look like Don Flamenco from Mike Tyson's Punch-Out?

That's totally insane. In the membrane. It's insane in the brain.