PERS - Power up the Delorean, Doc!

It's going to be a pretty hot day outside. It's already 15 degrees celsuis, and should get up to 31.

I've decided to wear my shorts today, even though it will be like taking calls in a butcher freezer at work.

Today I'm neither furious, or wildly happy. I'm just going to smile about the fact that I'm being treated unfairly at work. Moping around is only affecting myself and the friends who have to endure my senseless blabber. The important thing I must remember is that I do not require to move up in this company. This has never been intended to be a "lifer" job for me.

In other news, while riding the bus I saw a guy with a bitchin' face tattoo. If only his 70 year-old self time-travelled into the past to show him how awesome that tattoo looks in the future. Then his older self would travel back to his time, and with technology, regrew skin in place of the wrinkled tattoo in the comforts of his own living pod.

After all, he couldn't have told himself to not get it at all, because then he'd have no reason to travel back in time.

Oh, how I love time travel.

PERS - Thrice upon a time...

It's been a little over a week since I started this "healthy diet out of psychosis" technique.

Each day I have taken the following:

• Minimum 1 glass of V8 Go Juice
• Minimum 1 cup of Green Tea
• 2 Multivitamins

So far the results are inconclusive, but outside the workplace I've felt more creative and productive. I've chosen to add one more ingredient to this recipe: 1 Cup of Coffee in the morning.

To be honest, I have never drank coffee in the morning, but desperate times call for desperate measures, and Chris gave me the idea. I really need to get out of this "I hate work" slump.

The last time I was at work, I stormed out because I was absolutely livid. And you better believe it has everything to do with my "promotion".

The other alternate in the department - hired the exact same time as me - has worked at least 20 hours in that department in the last two weeks. How much have I worked in the same period?

FOUR HOURS.

What bothers me the most is that the other alternate gets scheduled in advance, and I know this because she gets full 8 hour shifts that fall outside her original "on the phone" schedule.

I couldn't blame the head of the department if she was asked to come work there on the fly, in the middle of her regular shift because I haven't been to work much, and my chances of going in on the fly are greatly diminished. No, I'm furious because she's scheduled ahead of time, which I'm always available for (when I'm at work, a quick phone call when I'm home, etc. etc.)

Should I have to whine and bitch to the manager about this? Of course I shouldn't.
Will I have to? Probably, if I plan to get any results.

I'm really thinking that applying for that position was the worst decision I've made in the last six months.

The worst decision of the year? Signing the lease for the house I currently live in (for 10 more days, thank god.)

More details on that in a future post.

This post has been brought to you by the letter "R" for "Repetitive" and "Ranting".

POP TECH - Dude, you're broke!

PERS - The Call Centre Style.

I think I've overused the term "realization" in my blog, but here I go again.

I've come to a STIFF REALIZATION as to how to cope and handle a call efficiently and to get an excellent quality monitor score at the end of the month.

I think this realization came to me because I'm now drinking V8, taking two multivitamins a day, and drinking green tea.

All you need to follow is 4 EASY steps:

1. Act like a robot, but do not sound like a robot.
2. Keep telling yourself you have no right to any emotion during a phone call.
3. Remind yourself frequently that you are unimportant.
4. Make sure you keep your rights as a human being at the entrance of your call centre.

I know, I know, these are all extremely negative - but only negative to YOU! And if you remember step 3, you already know that this minor issue DOES NOT MATTER, because YOU ARE UNIMPORTANT.

What a person looks for when they call is a robot. Not just any robot however, but a robot that sounds like a shit-happy human being who has absolutely nothing better to do then to listen to his or her sorry ass, tend to his or her every need, and would die for him or her if it meant you could save $3 on their bill. If you do not work at the same pace and efficiency level as a robot, you are a horrible employee, and even more horrible at customer service, and you must be disciplined.

If you are a robot who sounds like a robot, you will be condemned, taken apart, and used for scrap metal. If you're not as perfect-sounding as the recorded message they heard when they first called, you are a horrible employee, and even more horrible at customer service, and you must be disciplined.

The truth is that to a customer, you are not a human being - only they are. You are the machine they control that gets them what they want. A computer does not get angry when you yell at it, so why should you get angry or frustrated at a customer when they do the same to you? If you take on a stern tone with a customer who's giving you shit, you are a horrible employee, and even more horrible at customer service, and you must be disciplined.

If you are mentally exhausted by the end of the day after following these 4 simple steps, I must, once again, refer you to step 3.

P.S. I have tried this technique for a few hours, and I've come to the conclusion that it is impossible to be 100% compliant with said steps. You either A) become too tired to continue such a positive tone, B) your politeness is not mirrored by the customer in 5 or more calls in a row, or C) you get the biggest fucking asshole on the phone who wants nothing more than to ruin your life, get you fired, and make you feel inferior to his own excrement.

The technique is effective, but not bulletproof. And if this all sounds bitter to you, it is because I AM BITTER.

Cheerio!

PERS - Folic Acid is your friend.

The last couple weeks at work have been really hard to deal with.

I've been stressed out, frustrated, depressed, and angry on the phones, which will no doubt come through on my quality monitor, which will be completed...eventually. I worked a total of four hours in my promoted position over the last month, and I blamed all my frustration and anger on this fact. It made me more livid just thinking about it.

A day or two ago I read an article in Discover magazine that I purchased a couple of weeks ago. In it was a story of a brother and a sister who both had severe mental conditions. Their mother, who had been battling with manic depression, killed herself the year before. The daughter, in a mental hospital, was diagnosed a psychotic, and believed their was a gaping hole in her chest where demons entered and escaped at will. The son had extremely violent tendencies - so much so that the family often feared for their own lives.

Their father attempted to concoct a "curing potion" consisting of only vitamins and minerals. He got the idea after a successful attempt to cure a group of hogs from stress and violent behavior through introducing basic nutrients.

After only two weeks of taking their "potions", both siblings' conditions had all but disappeared, which brings me back to my current struggle.

I put down the article about halfway through when I came to a shocking realization: I stopped taking multivitamins shortly before my mental health started going downhill. I didn't just slow down my daily dose - I unconsciously quit cold turkey.

The "vitamin cure" has not been thoroughly tested in the science community, but could all my mental woes be mostly the effect of vitamin and mineral depravation?

Chris can attest the fact that I've been really out of it at work in the last couple weeks, and in those same couple weeks I haven't been getting my nutrients. I also went through a bad cold. He could also attest that all I eat is fast food, pizza pops, and chocolate - not exactly healthy stuff.

I ran downstairs and took two multivitamins immediately, and I've been taking two daily ever since.

We'll see where this rabbithole goes.

PERS - Hobblob update!

New Hobnobbers site design!

New Hobnobbers comic!

JUMP JUMP JUMP!

PERS - It's a Cruel...Cruel! Cruel Summer.

There was a guy outside my house this morning who was digging through my trash. I just put it out there and almost as soon as I was in the house he was there. My curiousity compelled me to glare at him at a reasonable distance.

I didn't actually see what he removed as I was preparing breakfast, but I assumed it was recyclables. It wasn't long before he was onto the next household's garbage.

I felt a bit violated, but not enough to run out and have a full-on bum fight. I let him to his "job".

I'm also realizing just how unhealthy the lawn is outside my house. I mowed it last week, and now there are foot high dandelions towering over the rest of the weeds. I've been meaning to mow the lawn this week, but on Monday and Tuesday it's been damp and rainy. The reason I'm so anxious about it is due to some city bi-law that requires you to keep your lawn looking pretty. Maybe the city of Fredericton can pay for a lawn care specialist to assess my situation and execute a strategy, or they can mow my goddamn weed patch every three hours.

Chris and I are well on our way to finding an apartment. There are so many options out there, so I'm not worried. It's just a matter of how convenient the local will be, and how close it is to downtown. I must say that Chris has taken on most (or all) of this apartment-hunting task, and I'm very grateful for that. I will be the first to admit that I really am rotten at finding a place to live, and I'm lucky to have him.

Lastly, I'm finally coming out of this cold. My voice is coming back, and the coughing is now minimal.

Hooray for white blood cells!

PERS - Ear Wax Flavour.

About two hours after I posted the last entry, I was asked if I was available for some shifts pertaining to the promotion. It's a conspiracy, I tell you!

Last night Chris and I watched Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone.

It was the very first time I had immersed myself in the Potter world; Never read a book or watched a movie, although I did eat some Bertie Botts issued by Jelly Belly Jelly Beans.

They are absolutely disgusting. You should try some!

I knew I would enjoy this movie, but it exceeded my expectations. Harry's conversation with the zoo snake, the barrage of mail by owls, Hermione's intelligence and overall presence, and Alan Rickman's performance were all fantastic.

I can't wait to see Chamber of Secrets, and Prisoner of Azkaban, and Goblet of Fire (coming out this year). I'm sure they'll be just as good!

PERS - Shams, Colds, Shutdowns.

I'm feeling much better now as my cold is disappearing, but it has left me with a scratchy throat and fragile vocal chords. This is no condition for call center work, and yet here I am, about to start.

I've used an assload of sick time in the last week or so, and even though I verified that I wasn't going beyond my limit, I still feel like I've used too much.

As far as that job I was promoted to, that turned out to be a sham. I mean, I haven't worked that job in at least two weeks. I realize it is only an alternate position, but it seems that the exact time I need to get off the phone (aka when I'm sick) is the exact time they won't take me off the phone. Not fun.

I've been in a fairly creatively-challenged slump in the last week as well, which I'd like to blame on the illness, but it's probably my general mindset. Also, my laptop has been overheating much more than usual, and it is very aggravating. I start working on something, save the bulk of it, start a little more, and it shuts off. I tried slowing down the processing speed, and it seems to be doing the trick, but should I have to do that? I damn well think not. So I'm deleting the big files on my computer and burning what I can't do without.

Well, gotta start the day.

Wish me luck in hopes that I don't lose my voice today.

PERS - As a dog.

For the last 3 days I've been hit by a really nasty cold.

So nasty, in fact, that I've taken 2 and a half days off work so far. It might be a third if my immune system cannot get its act together by tomorrow morning.

I've been fairly unenergetic in these last few days. I managed to beat off 2 stomach cramp scares, which I'm pretty happy about. I think that sometimes I get hungry, but instead of getting that starving feeling, I instead get a sharp pain that lasts for hours. It's strange, I know. I also managed to get the lawn mowed, which was also mildly fulfilling.

Right now I'm quite achey ALL over and exhausted, which is why I'm typing this entry instead of out with Chris at a restaurant. He said if I don't come with him and his posse to eat, he made sure I vowed to eat something before going to bed, to avoid waking up with a cramp again. Always looking out and caring for me, just like a boyfriend should. Thanks honey. And of course, I just downed a quesadilla, fulfilling that promise, and I'm working on a cup of green tea, which is my new thing that I drink every day.

I don't know why my TV is still on after watching Canadian Idol, considering it's tuned into "Dancing with the Stars", the worst concept for a TV show I think I've ever encountered.

Ohhh, a crappy version of "September" by Earth, Wind & Fire is being danced to now! What a horrible rendition of this song, it's way too slow...

Nonetheless, great song. Yeah.

This stream of consciousness was brought to you by the Common Cold.