PERS - Dramedy

For the viewers at home who are not a regular cast member of the Reality TV Show "Daniel", keep in mind that behind the scenes, Daniel is keeping clean.

Chris has been letting me shower at his pad for the last few days.

You see, that three days I was told I could not shower was actually 7 days (so far) and included in the "Can't Do" list was bathing of any kind. The people working on the bathroom only come 1-3 hours a day, and they didn't come at all on Sunday. They're also charging my landlord a fortune for the crappy job they're doing.

"Wow, my sides are aching at how funny this situation is!" said NO ONE. You know who would find this unbelievably hilarious? The Better Business Bureau.

I must now begin my first day back on the phone since last Wednesday. It's a good thing no customer will see the state of my hair.

PERS - 5 days, 6 nights, 1 pitiful post.

Hello folks.

Sorry for abandoning blog life.

I just had 5 consecutive days off...you'd think I'd find the time to write at least one post, wouldn't you? I promised myself (and Chris; he's hyperlinked elsewhere in this entry) that I'd write a blog before my days off were over. It's 11 something pm right now, so I'm really, really pushing it.

Well, this is partly due to laziness, but I guess I had a rather full few days.

On Wednesday, I had breakfast with my old-time, high-school-originated friends Becky and Rashmi at Cora's. As we ate our over-priced meals, we chatted about love, life, and also sat and watched Rashmi slowly devour her seasame-seed bagel and crep-omelette platter for over an hour. I don't know how she did it. Becky and I were so hungry that we ate our meals at a normal pace of 10-15 minutes.

When I mentioned to the group that I thought we overstayed our welcome at that breakfast chain, we headed over to Second Cup, where we continued the convo sipping caffeinated beverages. It's good to know we're all still able to join together and talk like old times. Then we split up and moved back into our own normal, separate lives.

On Friday night, Chris and I attended my friend Amanda's birthday party. We appeared slightly late because earlier we did dinner at Dimitri's - a local and delicious greek restaurant - with Jeff (Chris's brother) and Jennifer (Chris & Jeff's good friend from way back. How far back? I have no idea. I never ask the hard-hitting questions like that, or like "What inspires you in life?" and "What's your favourite episode of Charmed?")

Everyone at the party was at different levels of liquored-up, and since Amanda was the birthday girl, she was the Queen of the Smirnoff castle. Everyone was in good spirits. She enjoyed my dalmatian-related gift. We left at a respectable time, and retired at Chris's pad where we cracked jokes all throughout The Bourne Supremacy.

Damn it, it's almost 12 midnight, I have to be getting to bed.

If I think of anything else, be rest assured you'll hear about it in a future entry. Like how I haven't been able to use my shower for almost 7 days...

Anyway, I must go now and dream about something strange and off-putting.

Like not being able to use my shower for almost 7 days.

PERS - 56% Clean Squirrel

For the last week or so there's been an ugly hole punched into the ceiling of my house's kitchen. Even uglier is the Sobey's bag hanging from it, tacked over the hole to collect any dirt and water that seeps. The bag hangs over the stove, y'know, where we cook food.

For a while I was rather dismissive and unaware of the fact that this was disgusting; I'm usually very forgiving to messy things in the living environment. Thankfully, Chris was happy to let me in on the secret that it was utterly gross. (His wincing and varied "Blecch" noises were a dead giveaway.)

You see, there is extensive water damage in the walls due to some faulty - or just plain old - plumbing in the bathroom, which is directly above my kitchen no less.

I got a knock on my door this morning and it was my roommate Chris (not to be confused with kick-ass boyfriend Chris, who I just can't stop hyperlinking). He informed me - while remaining on the opposite side of my bedroom door - that the plumbers were coming in today, and that we wouldn't be able to shower ...FOR 3 DAYS.

With the reflexes of a squirrel, I leaped out of bed and ran into the bathroom for one long-lasting shower.

Don't worry, we can still bathe. But who ever really gets totally clean with a bath? How refreshing could it be to come out of a tub of your own filth? Sure, we all handwash dishes with this same technique, but I'm not made of plastic, porcelain, metal or clay. It doesn't help that my tub looks similar to the pureed-body-part filled one found near the end of Silence of the Lambs.

Thus, for the next couple days, I'm only going to feel 56% clean on average, 68% at the most.

I just don't like those odds.

PERS - The Final Sunday

All the classic callers have come out of the woodwork today to congratulate me on my final Sunday at work in a long while. And by "congratulate" I mean violently berate and insult me. (This probably is totally karma related due to my last post.)

Starting January 29th, my shifts will be Monday to Friday. I also asked for vacation for the 22nd and 23rd of this month (it was meant for a Halifax trip that is no longer happening), which means that I have to savour every lasting moment today, as it will be my last Sabbath day of work ...at least until June.

As I answer the phone and get swamped with a ton of ignorant and belligerent weekend renters, I must keep myself leveled in the stress department. I have to keep telling myself "This is my last Sunday. This is my last weekend. Stay calm." Each new person I come in contact with challenges this very mantra. When I get a polite person, I nearly fall off my chair in surprise.

In partial response to a comment made on my last entry by a very observant Australian, the irony of Chris applying to work in a call center is pretty humorous, but the truth is that I have mostly good days here. I don't mind my job. When I first started working here, I actually liked it. I'm just bored. I was able to handle the idiocy of the weekend for quite a few months, but now I've just reached a boiling point.

It's high time I no longer work a weekend, and thankfully, these new shifts are working in my favour.

POP MISC - Customer Etiquette

Since I'm having a rather miserable day at work (Saturdays and Sundays are literally the worst days to be taking calls for car rentals), I thought I'd compile a list of 10 things you should consider or do in the event you have to contact a CSR (Customer Service Representative) in any industry.

1. Let the CSR do their job. They know their job. You don't. Even if you work/have worked in a similar job or the exact same job, this doesn't matter. You still don't.

2. Do not interrupt the CSR at any time. This is more or less an extention of the last point. The agent understands that you think you are truly the most important person living on planet Earth, but if you jump into the middle of one of their pre-determined and very efficient dialogue statements, you are not helping. In fact, you are making a mortal enemy in the process.

3. 99.999956151% of the time (and that is a scientifically proven figure that I pulled right out of my ass) you are going to be asked to write something down. With this said, have some sort of writing utensil. If you live in a cave and do not have access to a pen, pencil, crayon or coal smudged on a twig, then find a sharp object and cut yourself. Blood flow, when controlled properly, makes a great tool to jot down confirmation numbers, account balances, and telephone numbers.

4. As a continuation of the last point, be generally prepared. Of course, there will be some things that will catch you off guard, and the agent on the other line would already know this before they even ask you. But if you want to, say, check on a reservation, have your confirmation number. If you don't, the agent will hate you for the rest of your life and the life of your children.

5. If you have kids who are screaming and desperately need your attention, whether it be a need for food, water, or release from a bear trap, do not call a CSR at this point in time. I know how important it is for you to uphold your "Deadbeat parent" status within society, but the CSR is not interested in losing their hearing, nor do they generally have access to telephone numbers for Social Workers in your area.

6. Most CSRs are evaluated on their talk times (the length of each phone call). However, if you hang up in their face it - while saving on talk time - is still extremely rude, and is not appreciated by any CSR. We will want to castrate you. The only exception to this rule is if you've just been abducted by aliens and they've just jammed a probe up your anal cavity and destroyed your cel phone with an atom-pulverizing laser gun. In other words, if you are from West Virginia, you can exempt yourself from this rule.

7. While the CSR may seem friendly and interested in your situation, he/she is not at all interested in your life story. The CSR is just trying to get through his/her day without losing their mind or opening fire into an unsuspecting crowd at the top of a clock tower. Although that story about how your wife got caught up in a mail-order bride scheme in Russia and how you need a car to drive into the country and rescue her may be a made-for-tv-movie in the making, it is the last thing a CSR wants to hear, and in fact, they will hate you for telling it.

8. For the love of all that is good in this world, do not call a CSR while you are driving. If you're annoying while sitting at your kitchen table, you're 5000 times more annoying while driving your large SUV. Your chances of getting into an accident greatly increases when you are on a cel phone, and while the CSR is very greatful for this probability, he/she would just rather not talk to your ignorant and thoughtless ass.

9. Do NOT call if you are in the middle of a meal. No one wants to hear a double Big Mac being devoured while ketchup and lettuce gets spattered over a phone.

10. And finally, avoid at all costs to be a raging idiot. Yes, a CSR understands that you are a supreme diety who can destroy the world with the blink of an eye, but your wrath does nothing to help your cause. In fact, when you treat a CSR like a lesser being, you probably wouldn't be too surprised to know that many would instantly wish for your day to get a whole lot worse then what it is right now. Yes, that's right, much more worse than that extra 30 cents on your bill that you want annihilated.

I hope this has helped you out the next time you want to call your next friendly CSR.

Wait a minute. I just realized that if you're one of the people who does any of this shit, you're probably illiterate.

PERS - The Magic Touch

Finally, after a couple of weeks of conflicting schedules, I was finally able to go over to Jimmy* & Tara's place and "fix" their computer last night. They've been trying to install a webcam as well as a digital camera, but their system was giving them the finger, so they called upon my "expertise" in the computer-fixin' bid-ness.

Chris and I ventured over to J&T's place after I had went on a chocolate shopping spree at the Brookside Mall Sobey's (those 2/$1.00 bars are going to be the death of me, not to mention bargain bin Christmas shit for dirt cheap). Jimmy gave me the run-down of what was happening when he was trying to install his peripherals, and shortly afterwards I began to operate on the patient. In this makeshift surgical room my observers devoured Quality Street chocolates as they studied my swift, fast-clicking and typing techniques.

About 3 minutes later, after doing exactly what they had been doing, it completely locked up demanded to be formatted. It was something I had never encountered before. I was surprised it wasn't accompanied by the the animated crying MSN emoticon.

Thankfully, Jimmy had a second computer to use while Tara's computer was DOA. It comes at a time where St. Thomas University professors are demanding to go on strike, and Tara will require a computer to do her work if that happens.

I guess I just have the magic touch when it comes to computer repair.

Maybe Microsoft will hire me.

*Jimmy is my long-time friend of probably 13 years now. We go way back. So far back, that in Grade 3 we portrayed the Mario Bros. in the school playground during recess and lunch. Being the tall one of the duo, Jimmy was doomed to be Luigi. But we were all doomed in the social hierarchy of our classmates by jumping around and stomping on invisible Goombas.

POP TECH - Caesar Bomb!

It's amazing how much unnecessary bitterness can surface at 3 in the morning.

To balance out my blog karma, I link you this.

Also, if you're ever feeling you'd be too short to make it in the entertainment industry or politics, view this and have those thoughts disappear.

P.S. I urge you to find the name of a historical ruler and a type of explosive and put them together, it's enjoyable! Queen Elizabeth Missile! Hitler Torpedo! Cleopatra Grenade! Just mix and match!

POP TV - Suck it Paul Simon

Dear Mr. Simon,

I was watching Global tonight, and I noticed that you completely destroyed an episode of Saturday Night Live sometime back in the 70's. What's Global you ask? Oh, forgive me for sparing the details. Global is a Canadian TV station owned by Global-CanWest and Satan.

Anyway, I was convinced that political openings were the worst opening skits, but now I realize that having you perform a mellow folk song at the beginning of the show pretty much takes the cake in the shit department.

While the humor of the 70's escapes me 90% of the time, I'd rather watch Chevy Chase falling down a stairwell with a football helmet on. And I don't give a shit if it was a stunt double, just so long as you're not driving me into a coma with your voice or your lack of comedic timing.

You followed your song with a miserable sketch taking place on a basketball court, where people are supposed to laugh at you, the skinny short white boy playing against a pro player who's 12 feet tall. I must admit, I was laughing loudly, but only because I wasn't paying attention to the television; I was on the Internet image-Googling and stumbled upon a picture of a monkey in a cowboy hat riding a pony.

And what was with your haircut? I don't think anyone in the history of time would have thought that dead-cocker spaniel-style do was attractive. I think you did the world a favor when you inherited baldness.

It's really quite a shame that I have to be so harsh on you. After all, it was almost 30 years ago. All I ask is that you can apologize to the entire TV-viewing audience for your destruction of late-night TV. I'm sure that if you can do that, I can muster up the energy to say I'm sorry.

But until then, congratulations on ruining what could have been a mediocre-at-best episode of SNL, ass.

Yours Truly,

Daniel

POP TECH - Suck it Walmart

So Walmart apparently decided not to sell any third party mature games for the GameCube. Hell, they hardly have any semi-mature Nintendo-made games. I didn't realize this before until I wanted to buy a game there. They have mature games for PS2 and Xbox, just not Cube. And for that, I ask that you say the title of this entry out loud for all to hear!

Well, I have Resident Evil 4 now, and it is excrutiatingly amazing in graphics and in gameplay. It has so far had me hooked for hours. In many scenes, the visuals look photo-realistic and heavily, heavily detailed.

Now, you're probably not a video game buff - I used to be, but I'm not much of one anymore - but I think you'd still be blown away by some of the things you see in this game. Only I can appreciate that every scene in the game is rendered in real-time. Those not familiar to the technical aspects of visuals would take some of the things they'd see in RE 4 for granted because they've seen other games use pre-rendered movies to tell the story instead of using the sheer power of the console its being played on. It's a pleasure only I can enjoy I guess, as many don't know, or don't care.

Aside from that, the most disturbing thing I saw today had nothing to do with Resident Evil 4, where I shot photo-realistic human heads off bodies, watched my own character get decapitated by a chainsaw, and viewed mutated creatures explode out of their host bodies in a bloody and gory spectacle.

No, the most horrible and scary thing I saw today was a guy eat live dragonflies on an old Christmas episode of Fear Factor.

That was just fucking disgusting.

POP TV - Absolutely Charmed Writing

It is probably a good thing that after all these years, I missed the episode of WB's Charmed entitled "Primrose Empath". Charmed brought me a small fraction of joy since its beginning, exploring the challenges and struggles of wielding supernatural powers while not using them to make you the MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE. Ahem.

Chris and I have had a couple discussions on the validity of the show, in comparison to say, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I defended the writing and story arcs involving those three sister witches. I got upset at the notion that the show sucked hardcore. But after watching "Primrose Empath", I no longer feel my argument is valid. I don't have a leg to stand on; not even an astral projected one. (Thanks a lot, Prue, you selfish deceased whore.)

The ep begins with the usual: Within the first few minutes we are treated to a mildly witty and/or funny line, and one of the witches finds herself in a pickle (not an actual pickle, speaking metaphorically here, although I'm sure there's an episode I missed where Phoebe gets shrunk down and trapped into a cursed pickle after using a cucumber-shaped upper-level demon for masturbatory purposes.) Prue is lead by that loveable emotionally-torn demon Cole to a building about to be condemned blah blah blah opening credits sequence.

Through means I don't wish to explain, Prue becomes empathic, AKA can hear and feel people's emotions. It's not totally like the Buffy episode "Earshot" - where Buffy could hear people's thoughts - but enough for you to consider this a completely stolen idea. However, if this were the only issue I had with this episode, this post wouldn't exist.

No, my friends, it gets five billion times worse. The demon who gave her these empathic abilities is considered unstoppable, but it just so happens that Prue's powers have been amplified by her pathetic powers. Oh, I'm sorry, I meant EMPATHIC powers. So this priest guy - who played the Mayor in Season 3 of Buffy, as if stealing the "Earshot" idea wasn't enough - tells Prue to hone her amplified powers to destroy the demon. This triggers the worst scene in all of TV's history.

Prue comes out from the basement - where she had been hiding from people's emotions and the plot of this episode - and she runs at the demon and kicks him multiple times in mid-air, just like Cameron Diaz in Charlie's Angels. Then she realizes she is "The One" and fights him, martial arts style, just like The Matrix. Then she astral-projects and jumps inside the demon, EXACTLY LIKE THE MATRIX. Then the demon explodes in a pile of glowing green pieces, lo and behold IDENTICAL TO THE MATRIX. Prue emerges and then looks menacingly at the other two agents across the hall, who then quickly run away.

Ok, so there were no agents. It's just so easy to blur the storylines together. Now, if every vanquished demon in the show exploded into a pile of chunks, I would forgive the writers, but no, every demon disappears in some horribly crafted computer-generated fireball with no demon debris.

I'm not debating whether the writers knew what they were doing. Of course they were trying to recreate the last scene in The Matrix. The point is that it wasn't a loving reference to the movie, just a move-by-move, shot by shot rip off of the movie, and for that, they should all go straight to Hell for it.

I just hope they'll have the courtesy to say hello to Prue for me when they're down there.

POP MISC - The Great Disaster of 2005

It's really quite devastating to hear such horrible news to start off the new year.

You wonder how people can survive such incredible circumstances, and how many hundreds of thousands of people it can affect.

Nature can be such an evil force that cannot be stopped, but luckily efforts have been made to recover what has been lost.

To wrap your mind around such an occurrence can cause you to cry in times like these, but you just want to keep watching the news for updates.

But who knows, maybe Brad and Jennifer will get together again.

POP TECH - RE 4

I heard somewhere that the average gamer these days is 24, so I'm a young guy in comparison.

This is my justification for wanting to go out and buy Resident Evil 4 on Tuesday. I read the review and I was convinced that I need this game. I'm always interested in a well-crafted video game. As long as I don't find myself getting stuck in a wall, or not being able to jump across an impossibly wide abyss - as some games include - then I'm fine.

Yes, the game is horribly gory and violent. And yes, I haven't played my GameCube since September. It doesn't mean I won't enjoy RE 4 any less.

Besides, it's not like I will be wasting countless hours on a video game for nothing. When the time comes that the undead and demon-possessed come to Fredericton, walk up my stairs and knock on my door, I will be prepared to press Start, scroll to the shotgun, press A to equip, then press start again, and then just keep hitting B until my thumb begins to bleed.

PERS - Comfortably Mute

I was on the bus to work this morning and, as usual, my ears were covered in music. I looked up to find a stranger talking to a stranger.

What was the bulk of the convo about? Who knows, for the most part I was listening in on a conversation with Bjork. My point is the social aspect of it, and my instant reaction to avoid it. My Mp3 player was between tracks when this old man, probably well on his way to senility, asked this youngish, scruffy, in-need-of-a-Queer-Eye guy a simple question.

"Weather's gettin' cold out, eh?"
"...What?" said the unshaven young guy. I would have said the exact same thing. It's the thing you say when you snap out of that all-consuming thought usually involving, work, money, or pornography.

"It's looking like it's gonna get colder out there."
"Yeah, for sure..."
"Hello, hello, hello? Is there anybody in there?"
"Just nod if you can hear me. Is there anybody home?"
"Come on now, I hear you're feeling down..."

Ok. So everything after "hello" was just Scissor Sisters' cover of "Comfortably Numb" drowning out their voices. As my eyes continued to focus on these two people, they exchanged stories, jokes, and probably hot sex stories involving their mistresses. I mean, that must be what straight guys talk about in public to strangers these days. How would I know? I've always got music playing in public.

The last thing on my mind is sparking a conversation with a total stranger on the bus through some sort of shitty small talk opening. I'm just not cool with that. I'm fine to answer a person who starts small talk with me, but if it degrades into some sort of repetitive story about something I didn't need to hear in the first place, I'm going to want to bite my own limb off to get out of that trap.

Small talk is cool at work, at least you know you have this common thing that you both hate very much.

It's an easier egg to crack.

Consider this half an entry with no real purpose.

POP MISC - The Mint Collection

Oh, Dear Pot of Gold Mint Collection, why is it that I've only met you in the last week?

Your sweet confections have me weak at the knees. Each morsel gives me a cool sensation in my mouth and body only matched by my fear of Diabetes.

Move aside Milk Chocolate Collection, this gentlemen has found a new, tasty, minty lover, and I shall be happier for having found it.

And it was on a $2.99 sale too. Bitch, you usually made me pay $6.99 for you.

You wretched smooth-tasting tramp, get out of my life.

POP TECH - JT's Blocks

So I've completely wasted another day due to a very simple game: JT's Blocks. In case you are unaware of this blinding gem, the game contains a pile of blocks that you have to clear in groups of 2 or more. The larger the group, the more points you accrue. Your goal is to match or surpass the score set for each level, the first being 750, then 3000, then 6750, etc. etc.

My highest score achieved was between 43000 and 44000. I believe the addiction happens because you are always feeling that you're doing really good, when in fact, you're stinking. If I don't achieve 5000+ in the first round, I press the "Give Up" button and start over again. And again. And again.

God Dammit, I spent close to five hours on that game today.

I hate you, JT's Blocks. See you tomorrow when I open you at work.

PERS - 1981 - ?

This is my blog. You know that already. You also know that this is my first post. While this might contain a few words, this is an utterly useless post.

More to come when I feel more productive...

POP posts

All posts related to pop culture.

POP TV

American Idol

May 6th
May 4th
May 2nd
Apr 27th
Apr 22th
Apr 20th
Apr 14th
Apr 13th
Apr 7th
Apr 6th
Apr 4th
Apr 1st
Mar 31st
Mar 23rd
Mar 22nd
Mar 17th
Mar 17th (2)
Mar 16th
Mar 14th
Mar 10th
Mar 9th
Mar 6th
Mar 3rd

Canadian Idol

Aug 10th (2)
Aug 10th
Jul 30th (& Big Brother 6)
Jul 26th
Jul 20th
Jul 16th
Jul 13th (& Big Brother 6)
Jul 6th

Other TV Shows

Aug 2nd (ATV Nightside)
Jul 31st (The Office Temps)
May 20th (Several shows)
Mar 23th (Access Hollywood)
Mar 21th (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
Mar 11th (The OC)
Jan 13th (SNL)
Jan 10th (Charmed)

POP TECH

Aug 1st (Tetka/Bubble Girl Bush)
Jun 18th (Expensive Dell System)
May 15th (Indy Custom Music)
Mar 26th (Google Fucking Adsense)
Mar 15th (Internet games)
Mar 12th (Internet games)
Feb 8th (Videos, etc.)
Feb 3rd (Internet-related)
Jan 13th (Flash files)
Jan 13th (Video games)
Jan 9th (Video games)
Jan 6th (Internet games)

POP MUSIC

Mar 7th (Scat)
Feb 26th (Daft Punk)
Feb 24th (Daft Punk)

POP MISC

May 2nd (Newsbites)
Apr 9th (Atlantic Lottery Corporation)
Jan 15th (Customer Etiquette)
Jan 9th (Brad & Jen)

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